Twins aren’t just two women, though, especially in this commercial and on “The Bachelor”: They’re a matching set. The thrill, for a red-blooded, straight man (2003 was, it seems, a time before hot takes about heteronormativity) is almost blatantly consumerist. If you were buying two throw cushions, a matching set would be visually pleasing; if you have two hot women, it would be even sexier if they also matched each other! 

Throw pillows, of course, don’t have an inner life or personality. Looking at women, who very much do, with the same “what if they matched?” superficiality might be the height of objectification. Their dreams, values, senses of humor, all are flushed down the toilet in favor of salivating over the fact that you can get double the sexy in the same model. 

The softcore wink at what men “really want” allows the incestuous undertones to be glossed over. But come on, we’re not stupid. If the ultimate fantasy of twins were to be fulfilled — not just looking at them, but having them there in front of you, interested and eager — a threesome with matching hot women would be the logical conclusion of all this swooning over, as the ad puts it, “twiiinnnsss!”

Witness the group hug Ben Higgins is treated to by Emily and Haley, or the staging of the two of them seated next to him for their “private” conversation. The girls even repeat to him that they never date the same man; he’s an exception. He’s special, deserving of both. It’s not just that they’re there, confusing him with their identicality, it’s that he can have two with the looks of one. 

And yes, the insinuation that twins will want to have sex with you, a normal American man, ignores the reality that this scenario is, basically, incest. In a patriarchal, heteronormative society, two women having sex with each other, or participating in a sexual act together, often isn’t treated as real sex — but it is. And for two sisters, as close as sisters can be, participating in a threesome together means sexualizing their closest family member. In the every-dude’s fantasy, these just happen to be hot, matching women, but in reality, twins are real sisters with a real family relationship.

Am I being a feminist killjoy, trying to ruin the fun of “twiiinsss” for simple, goodhearted men across America? Yes. Yes, I am. But I kinda think treating women who happen to be born as twins with respect is a bit more important, and “The Bachelor” should be the one TV institution prudish enough to at least pretend to agree.

For more on the twins and beyond, check out HuffPost’s Here to Make Friends podcast on the premiere episode of Season 20:

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